Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
