so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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