So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
