Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want a musical about memes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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