i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
