So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
