so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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