I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
