At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
