Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
