Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
