Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
