Farmville is her only friend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
