Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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