I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
