you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
