I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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