Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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