woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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