was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
