Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
