If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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