just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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