I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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