Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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