I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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