So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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