Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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