HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
