He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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