Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
