they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
