CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
