It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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