first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
