Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
