if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize