i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
