when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
