Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
