kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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