my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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