She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
