Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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