My brain says no but my pants say off.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
