He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
