I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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