david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
