He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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