Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
