I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
