They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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