so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
