I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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