woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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