Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
