those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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