My liver just broke up with me...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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