ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
