He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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