I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
