Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Damn victory sex feels great
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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