She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
