omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
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