He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
