I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
