i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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