she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
