My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
