We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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